The Enlightened Mom

Emotional Chaos. Argh! Don’t you hate it? It’s that feeling of confusion. Sometimes it shows up as anger. Sometimes it shows up as frustration, sadness, or hopelessness. And almost always, it shows up as anxiety and stress. You try to suppress it. But the next thing you know, you’re blowing your stack or having an emotional meltdown. I HATE WHEN THAT HAPPENS!

Emotional chaos comes from a battle within. The struggle between the “real you” versus who you think you “should be” to have happiness, peace, love and success. The real you is how God created you to be. The real you is true perfection in every sense, even with your quirks and flaws. The “other you” is filled with a bunch of “good girl rules.” Let me say this again…

Real You vs. Good Girl Rules = Emotional Chaos 

We mommas are taught to be good girls. That means to hold ourselves back like shadows, don’t stand out, put on your happy face mask, and whatever you do, don’t be selfish. You must deny yourself to put everyone else first.

Here’s the problem.

Worry. Have you ever asked yourself why you worry so much as a mom? Have you ever looked within to see what is going on? I want to share what I’ve discovered about worry as a wife, mom and spiritual coach. This is the first in a three part series. Over the next week, I’ll be discussing emotional chaos and guilt, as well. But today, I feel called to write about why we mommas worry so much.

Worry comes from a space of lack. For instance, if you’re worrying about your kids’ futures, you have subconscious beliefs that tell you what you deserve or how well you have to do things before you can receive happiness, success and love. You think your fears are about your kids. But more often than not, these are your fears based in false subconscious beliefs in YOUR mind that are being projected onto your children. You probably don’t even know that these beliefs exist. But they do.

There was a time when I used to worry about my daughter Kolbi a lot. I tell this story in my book, The Enlightened Mom, but I feel called to share it here again, so I am. Kolbi is now almost 20, but at the time was in the 5^th grade. School had always been pretty easy for her until she hit the age where they were preparing her for middle school.

All of the sudden, Kolbi’s grades plummeted. And as she spiraled down, I went into control mode. It became a push/shove game between us. Homework time was struggle time. I was so worried about Kolbi’s future and what it would mean if she didn’t excel in school. I was an emotional mess. I couldn’t stand the way I felt and I knew this wasn’t good for Kolbi. So, I made a decision to speak to her teacher. I believed this was Kolbi’s issue and figured she needed some good study tools.

The teacher was thrilled that I asked and said that most parents usually just came in and gave her a hard time. So, she gave me a book to read. I don’t remember the name of it, but it changed everything.

I went home and immediately tried to read the book. It seemed like a foreign language. I was so consumed with worry that nothing made sense. It was as if I was holding on for dear life, trying to save my child, and I couldn’t quite reach the life raft.

I knew it was time to look at me.

“That’s our dog Milly. She’s the STUBBORN one.” I heard myself say that to a woman the other day at the dog park. We have two puppies, Milly, who is 9 months old, and Junah, who is 8 months. They are both Native American Shepherds. But just as they are totally opposite in color, they have completely different personalities.   

Milly                      Junah

We call Junah our two-year-old toddler boy because she comes up and gives you a little love and then, like a bolt of lightning, she dashes away to play.  She continually keeps us laughing. She’s our little Energizer bunny!

Milly is as sweet as can be and is playful, too. And she LOVES to talk to you. Whether it’s with a whimper to tell you it’s time to take a break and give her a belly rub, or that it’s time to go to the bathroom, she is a great communicator. She’s beautiful and strong. Her nature is to hunt and pull like a sled dog. And THIS is my dilemma. I never know if we’re going for a leisurely walk or if I’m going to be dragged down the road! I have this vision of Milly pulling me so hard that I fall on my face like in the old western movies. You know, the ones where the cowboy gets thrown from the horse and he holds onto the reins for miles so he doesn’t lose his horse! Yep, that’s the picture!

When I heard myself describe Milly as stubborn while at the park, the next thought I had was, “This is what we do to our kids. We label them.” But it’s not just with our children. We also label our friends, our co-workers, parents and neighbors. You name it. We all do it.